Big City Working Girl

The day is over
my head hurts
I ache all over
and my foot is sore
I want more money
I need some love
can't want to get
my lover's hugs
thank god it's friday
I'm rich with health
this subway stinks
those guys preach hell
I'm on my way to get
some treatment
the doctor says
I will get well
It's friday night
I'm tired and hungry
I need some lovin'
I need some hugs
my honey bear
is not here now
it's time to put
my pencil down
it's time to go

Goodbye
for now.

@Elvia Arriola (NYC 1988)

Caldo de Pollo (chicken soup)

Mom died 11 months ago today

I missed her when I smelled chicken soup
in the nursery this morning

I found it so odd
thought
Mom was stirring up
that pollo in the sky
and held a spoonful to my nose
to say
remember my sopa de arroz ?
I do Mom
and I just ate a lunch
that does no justice
to the flavors you jazzed
up in minutes
when you danced on your feet
waiting for someone
to come home and taste
your marvelous
simply fabulous
cooking

Oh yes Mom
I miss you
and your cooking with garlic
and your messy kitchens
and the smell
of that
chicken soup
that could blanket me
with love
Mexican style
Mama Lucy style
with just a whiff
of warm air-oma
beneath my hungry nose
pointing down to my
starving belly
about to fill
my famished heart.

@Elvia R Arriola 3/18/99

Coats and my Cat

The closet is almost
empty
three hangers
three coats
one for the heavy rain
or snow
one for the bitterly cold
one for the spring
the red one evokes
memories of the
bloody drip from Rachel's
cancerous mouth
in her dying days
The purple one the sense of passion I
do have at times for my work
and also for the rage I feel
for what happened this term
the black is a comforting color
for me it is the sign of elegance
and contrasts against diamonds
and cold
star studded nights
and it will always remind me of
my trip to Chicago and
my four months stay
in an elegant section of town
and living at the Elms Hotel
and making a new friend named Barbara
who understood my pain over
learning that my
fifteen year old furry friend
is dying of cancer
and so the black coat
will symbolize her death
and I'll cherish the
white hairs on it
I couldn't take off with the
lint roller to look nice to go to work
because they will be hers
and just a little of what's left
behind
when she heads for kitty heaven
and I hang up the memories
of our last stay together in
a tiny apartment the size of
a closet
with coats of many colors
seasons
and reasons
for being alive
and not.

@Elvia R. Arriola (2000).

Empty Headed

Empty Head
got out of bed
I was wearing it
and the dust from
the dreams I kicked
up during the night
if anyone had registered
my REMS I'll bet
they'd have been 100 miles
a minute

empty head packed up the bed
and left behind the memories
of a short visit
my empty bed was full of dreams
my heart is full of wishes
the empty pages of this book
will not tell me
why I feel so listless
so empty thoughts
and empty hearts
and empty heads
at the end of
a term of some very hard knocks
But it's OK
I don't have to
figure it all out today
I'll just take my hand
from the chin of this empty head
and then place it on my heart
and smile at the way
I came to the
end
when I hadn't a clue
with what
words I was
going to start!

@Elvia R. Arriola (2000)

Yoga Nerd

I am teased often
because I love yoga
and believe it is a good
answer to many a problem
and I think how
sweet that I know yoga
still
and do yoga yet
but not daily
nor often enough
but should never forget
the day we met
and I fell in love
with a practice for finding peace
union and serenity
for my aching for love
for hungry
yearning for hugs
lumpy body soul
and restless
cluttered mind!
@Elvia R. Arriola (2000)

Smiling Blue

Smiling Blue 

Blue jeans
and blueberry pancakes
and coffee in a blue mug
I write these words
from a blue pen
remembering the blue in
the French rooms and
French dreams of last night's movie
and the edges of the plate holding
syrup and butter and smooth
rich cream
are also a pretty
colonial blue
and I have come to the
fourth day
of my return visit
to the City of blues
without too much fear
and less time for indecision
embracing a rainy
grey Saturday
enjoying the many blues
without being blue
yet hoping for a
sunny blue sky
to end this
tiny vacation!

@Elvia Arriola (2001)

Walking Meditation

My praying seems false
when all I do is beg the goddess for
an answer
I imagine her hearing me
like a child tugging at
Abuelita's apron
"Dame por favor"
(gimme gimme please)
Not willing
to take the time
in sincere reflection
to do an internal
genuflection
with humbled eyes
and a smile of affection
for all the ways
I feel la Diosa's
protection
in constant positive
people connection
and taking trains and planes
and going in the
right direction
in parks I walked
lined with massive
cathedral like sycamore trees
robins and woodpeckers
telling me it is
spring
and a season of growth
and love
and finally getting over my
graying
somber
and wintry
depression.

@Elvia Arriola (2000)

Blind Faith

When I was young
it was important to show
my faith by not wearing makeup or lipstick
to Church
putting on a veil over my head
not chewing the Communion host that contained
"the BODY of Jesus"
listing weekly in a confessional booth
the venial and mortal sins I'd committed
counting Hail Maries
and our Fathers in my
piggy bank of tickets for
a good seat in heaven
concentrating real hard
during the Rosary and the long long
litany of praises
so I wouldn't fall asleep
being very obedient of
Mom, Dad, and Abuelita
and all the nuns
and Mother Superior
committing to kindness toward
mean classmates or
siblings
not lying
not stealing
not being lazy
and not picking my nose
right before getting in line for
a priestly blessing

I couldn't complain that incense made me woozy
and when I volunteered to help
polish the tall brass candelabras
in my boarding school's chapel
the tiny wrinkled nun so loved me for taking time
out from play with girls whom I didn't like anyway
who flaunted their families' wealth in my
working-class face
I'm sure I was convinced that I was becoming more special
by serving the poor oppressed nun
who had not many teeth
but gave me always a warm and grateful smile
that I was becoming saintly with
my thousands of wipes along the curved
holders of giant Easter candles
with pungent cleaner fluid
turning the dull into golden shine
bright enough for a halo
I loved the silence of the work
the darkened chapel
a safe place for an opportunity
to discover the sanctuary
and privacy of my young
anxious
questioning mind

I dared not share my secret doubt
to anyone
that I just didn't believe all that stuff
about Mary and her son's birth
that I was confused about his dying on the cross
that I wasn't sure the "holy spirit" could inspire
me or not during a pretty hard algebra test
or history lesson

I just did things with some kind of blind faith
that the next day would be the same
or maybe a little different as long
as I didn't spend too much
time in self-reflection.

@Elvia Arriola (2000)