Engulfed Coast 2005

The sound of a lonely flute
waves crashing on a Southern beach
the cry of a hundred thousand souls
rising above the chaos
leaving behind
thousands more in the wails and grief
the lonely flute is the call of our
shared humanity
the cries are the gentle goodbyes
we must make
as the waves of history recede
and return with yet another example
of our grotesque indifference
our penalty for failing
to heed the lonely
call for
compassion.

Oak Park, IL September 2005

Mr. Rex's Lesson Plan

The breeze from the fan
tickles my poodle's long hair
he lays at my feet trusting

His species spelled backwards is God
whose eyes I see when he gives me that 
Old Soul's look and tells me 

"You are much too controlling my love
and I have something to teach you
about yourself and your constant hurrying

Do for one like me

lay here in communion with a hard 
wooden floor
now and then 
a short separation between me 
and Mother Earth
feel the support and the space
to breathe in and out
to have puppy dreams
and frolic through the streets
free of harness and collar
to catch a rabbit's tail
or smell a squirrel's butt

Let go of all worries
after a walk and a meal 
and some drink
be mellow
and feel
the gentle breeze 
listening to the whirr of the fan 
as it caresses my long hair 
and my black nose 
taking me to no where and no worries land
for a nap 
or deep snoring sleep."

Your Yin and My Goddamned Yang

I am still wearing our last phone call
around my neck
I wore it to the theatre tonight
it itched at my collar 
and when I smoothed my scarf 
your tense appeal to me for Reason!
stuck out like a 
forgotten sales tag
and scratched at me for attention

I pushed down the fold of my coat
hard against my chest
as if I were trying to keep 
your wrath from strangling my 
half smile as the movie played

One hour passed and I left my mind
enough to crawl into the pants of the 
lovely Cameron Diaz 
on the wide screen
with her flashing smile and blue eyes
that sadly 
and for just one second into the 
second hour reminded me of yours 
and I took her tears
and gave them to us 
to share in silence 
and apart
until we can meet again 
and remember the real reason
why our talks
turn into fights 
when we forget
that though we can't 
now be together
we really are going to be alright.

Oak Park, IL 2005 

The Fall

This 
is the void 
I think I will fall into 
the abyss of a hungry
and long second of time
the unknown 
asking if your mind 
is on the road in front of you
or if troubled waters invade
and drown out
thoughts of us
canoeing together across
the river of this time
or taking a turn into change

This 
is the canyon I cannot walk easily
looking for a guide
I face up to the sky
hear an eagle's cry
stare down at the mile long trap
feel the tug of emptiness in my bowels
the panic of uncertainty
at my throat
the wanting of your breath next to my face
the missing you is 
sharp as the edge
where I stand now
about to fall 

in love.

December 2005, Austin TX

Austin On My Mind

Austin is on my mind

in point 

that aloe vera I planted in the garden 

last week

the row of pansies and petunias 

pushing up and sprouting from 

a warming ground

Texas bluebonnets on my mind

the first I ever saw

in the haze of new romance

thinking I was fancy free

but my heart was in fact in a knot of confused 

friendship

a big hearty Texas girl

enveloping me in a hug of cheer

saying let's go for a drive m'dear 

catch the bluebonnets

bring the new puppy along

pretend you've got all the time

in the world to laugh and play 

and care not of what's left undone

at the end of the day

Austin on my mind 

specifically a triplex on Palma Plaza and Woodlawn

smiling dykey friends and so many others 

that I love

how I yearn for your voices and one of your hugs

Yes, Texas on my mind 

as I sit in fiercely cold Chicago 

facing another

day of toil 

grey wintry skies and 

maybe having to pull out the shovel. 

Oak Park, IL 2004 

Maybe

A cloudy poet's mind
caught up in the daily grind
she looks askance
neighbors walking by 
in their own trance
"I want to dance" 
she thinks 

bemused by the idea 
of judgment and remorse
she caps the pen 
with a wry smile 
observing
how the poet's mind 
can be so unkind. 

Oak Park, 2004 

RED

I wonder why I like 
the color of chili peppers red
throughout my house
The color of fire

a wake up for when I'm tired
a warm glow 
an inviting store of red memories. 

The little red wagon 
from my L.A. kiddie days
The geranium leaves I picked for
pretend house play
the plaid uniform for
Catholic school first grade
the lipstick Mommy elegantly wore
a Christmas bow on the door

Oh give me red in these Northern skies
and the image of Ricky's collar as 
she jumps for a tennis ball oh so high
Give me my lover's red hair and her lips in bed
give me fire and love and passion
in the color Red.

(Oak Park, IL 2004)

And Out Came...

Somewhere 
a while back I filed away my passion
to write poetry
I unzipped an old back pack of
self-doubt
Out came a dusty, ugly face
a screaming little monster
that sits on my left shoulder
a favorite spot as it whispers
why do it? No one will read it 
or care

OK you little rascal
that's it

get on your bike
put on your helmet
and leave

You're the same creature I used
to douse with whiskey and wine
I'd put you to sleep
as I started a paragraph and a creative line
worried that you'd wake up
any minute now
and beg to be fed.

Nighty-night Little Ugly One
Go to sleep
back to the 20th century
and leave me the fuck alone. 

Aurora, IL 8/21/2008

Autumn

Autumn

The October light
meets each car
at the four way stop
an intersection
illuminating tired
men and women
aiming the wheels
with purpose
to be on time
while little boys
and girls in formation
skip down the sidewalk
with backpacks
and a similar
determination
as glistening leaves
fall

the roar of a city truck
nearby
approaching them
with gusto
and a shovel
for fallen grace and leaves
that float by

the boys and girls
the men and women
who stop in obedience
for the rules
of the road
but not to
catch the light
of a drifting
downward bit of
summer's face.

Oak Park, IL 2006

When Tony moved out...

You left behind in this place
your gentle friendship
a sweet way of lending a hand
an open smile
to the children in us all
a model of patience
and discipline
in difficult times
and with unruly people
you left behind
in my heart a huge box of memories
of hugs shared
laughter found
for the unveiling
of my imperfections
like leaving too many
cabinet doors open
and running myself
on a treadmill
out my window
or pouring coffee
on an upside down
cup
You left
behind in this place
a treasure of memorable times
too long to list
for you have left in my heart
a space where I will hold
the thoughts of you
not just like someone who lived
here that I learned to respect,
to like and to love
but more like a good friend
and a sister whom I
will constantly miss.

December 19, 2006

Oh Dear the Fear of it All

I am like a wasteland of thought
caught in a mental knot
having a home in the South that years ago
I bought
an apartment up here in the North
where I work and travel
no
I commute during the coldest parts
of the year
so my question to you dear
Goddess
is
Why
What is my purpose in this place
as I putter like
every other rat
in the human race?
When I think about
going home I will
still spend too much time
alone
I don't cherish
Denise
her entire way of being
often annoys me
and that is a Big Problem
Because it's nothing about
Fearing Little Her
It is about Fearful
Me.
August 2004

NB - September 30, 2012
And now reading this
how I wish I could have her back
hear her tired angry, stressed, tired voice
how I wish I could hug her again
and be held.  How I miss you My Angel,
My Denise.

Coltrane and Me

When I hear Coltrane
and his saxophone playing
against the backdrop of
soft-pedaled notes
on a jazz piano
I relax, close my eyes
and then
I'm back in New York City
on Bleeker Avenue
or maybe Basil's on 7th Avenue
and I'm in a black sexy dress
smoking a thin cigar
yes, a thin cigar
and holding a fluted glass
that I tap with my fingers
long red painted nails
fizzy bubbles moving
a little back and forth
and the blues notes
of a darkened club dance
over my table
and I smile at the musicians on
my personal stage
as I shift my weight
a little bit forward
hungry to embrace
the notes of
A Love Supreme.

Te pareces a tu mamá

I look in the mirror as I put
on the color rinse to my hair
and recognize a certain look
that as I age returns you to
me in that mirror
and then haunts me as you follow
me with your judging gaze

The magic in the box will
take away the natural grey
much more than that
it shall put off and delay

the moment of my coming to terms
with the hardening fact that
outwardly I am becoming you

while with fierce intention
I place the dye on my head
and wait
and charge against my future
with the energy of my past

you know
those teen years
when I hated you were my mother
and I that was your daughter

and look here I am
becoming you
and still resisting you
with the promise on the box
that the grey will go away
but the reason for
the treatment will not.

 Austin, TX 2011