Dream

I wept
and sat in a room
trying to explain
the depth of
my sorrow
at a loss
for words
I allowed them a vision
of an oncoming tidal wave
forging a path of destruction
an eeriness in its silent
blood red power
because it was just a dream
but one meant for us all

This wasn’t a pretty spiritual dream
with images of angelic hosts
telling me to “let go” by whispering
in my ear as I slept
instead I stayed
with the fiery wave
as girls, women, boys
tumbled past my sleeping eyes
and my furrowed brow
and witnessed
an admired sister
someone resembling
the better parts of my self
and a tiny
frail babe
who flopped in my
angry brother's arms
and then
there were playful children
not afraid of the night
and oblivious to the darkened skies
and the furious winds
just little kids trying with their treats
and favors
to make it all better for me
but what I remember most
is the heaving of my chest
and the awareness that
I cried for old hurts
as I stubbornly dug my heels
like some flamenco dancer
surfing a wave of judgment and
nonacceptance
and destined in this dream
to wake up
so deeply sad
and longing for something
or someone who could
take that girl’s crushed and weeping
rosebush
of sorrow
away

AUSTIN  2000