Hungry/Lonely/Love/Fast

[Once upon a time I thought I would try a week long guided fast.]

Love is a mystery

no connection it seems

to what is going on around me

until I remember

Hey, they’re probably

all feeling just like me

wondering

Where is love in this process

of tepid broth

beet juice

brown rice

and nothing but 

water 

water 

water

Where is love in this journey

of looking at me

from the inside out

not running from the

uncooked emotions

bubbling to the surface

of this teapot of my inner self

Where am I?

Who am I? Who have I been

around rice, pasta, cookies

ice cream and endless arrays

of rich desserts and why?

What does love

have to do with eating and not eating?

Ahh

But I have eaten

out of loneliness

I have eaten out of spite

I have eaten inside of closets

I have hidden snacks

and opened them in the night

I have eaten for 2 or 3 all in one sitting

and I have also starved myself in punishment

for the binge

I have eaten in ways 

when I didn’t even know

that the cake, cookie or candy

was covering up 

a dirty old feeling 

like Hate. 

Eating is love

is a need

is a right

is a burden

Eating is a feeling, a thought
I buried under every

fast, hungry, unconscious bite

Eat, bite, crunch, 

swallow, 

fast, slow, awake and 

mellow.  Eat 

for nourishment

for body and soul

eat for energy to 

dance, kick, run

and play with other fellows 

Eating for love

for loss of love

not eating for love

for loss of love?

Where is love?

It remains 

a mystery

food and love 

and eating

the same

a part of the mystery

my own investigation into the

differences between

loneliness, hunger, eating, food

and loving me.